So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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