I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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