i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
