i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize