So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
