I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
