Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
