i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
