Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
