Small penises have feelings too.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
