Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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