my mouth tastes like poor choices
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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