chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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