I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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