I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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