So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the liver wants what the liver wants
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
