I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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