and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
