i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
