I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
