two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
