***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So vagazzling was a success
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
