Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
