Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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