I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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