with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this beer tastes like vomit already
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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