I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
