i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
