yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
