Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
