I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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