apparently the secret to your success is patron
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
