Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize