I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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