But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
