She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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