Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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