I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
