My Higher Power is John Stamos
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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