don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I puked a lego.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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