God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
