I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
