My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
