I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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