he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
