I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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