i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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