If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
