Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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