so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
