garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm jealous of your bromance
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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