Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
