Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
