last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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