Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize