D3 body, D1 cock
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
