Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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