And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize