Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
