She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
