I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
