I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
