the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize