I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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