if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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