Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
