i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
