Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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