So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
