there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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