i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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