I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
