A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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